I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
