Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
