Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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