some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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