i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
