Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
