I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
