I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
