I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
