at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
and you fell through a lawn chair
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
