how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh god it's open bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
