what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
