dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
