I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
