When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
