i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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