I puked a lego.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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