This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
