I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
