I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
