This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
