you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
