I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
