I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
