It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
