Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
