At least make sure they are 18
Why
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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