remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
