no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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