my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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