did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
