Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
