hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
