Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
