Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am puke
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
