Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
