Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
