I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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