We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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