Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
