hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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