Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
