I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
