forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
