I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
