Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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