An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
