Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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