my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
