The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
