We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
