yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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