after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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