I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
soo... how was my night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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